Finn Part 1

Firmly Finn grabbed the shoulder and yanked. The guy in front of her turned and in his movement swung his fist to her face. In a defensive move, she tried to turn away. Finn didn’t succeed in avoiding impact but had created enough space to grab his arm and twist him around. She followed through and with a firm kick to the back of his knees, he sank to the floor. By twisting his arm behind his back, Finn made sure he stayed there.

It was only a few seconds before one of the bouncers stepped in, and Finn retreated to her friends. Dave handed her a beer. She downed it in one go. “It was to cool your…” He pointed at her cheek.

“Crap.” She said. Her hand touched the upcoming swelling. “That’s going to bruise.” She looked at the guys at the table with her. “Why didn’t you stop me? Brent is going to kill me when he sees it.” Her co-workers, all male co-workers would never get used to that whiplash. At one moment she was cursing and bitching as one of them, taking on a guy three inches taller than she was, and the next moment she’d be a girl again.

“We thought you had it all under control.” Ed returned to the table, holding a towel with ice cubes the barman had gotten him. He gave it to Finn.

“Guys. I’m getting married in four days. I can’t show up on my wedding day with my face punched in. Ugh, Brent will never forgive me.”

Dave hit her shoulder. “You’ll be fine.” She wished she was. The guy that had punched her was gone. A few girls stood in front of Finn, thanking her for stepping in. “It’s okay. He had no right to do what he did. You don’t have to take that crap from anyone. Ever.” It made her feel better, somewhat.

She had noticed him trying to chat up some of the girls earlier in the evening. Later his methods became more aggressive. A few moments ago Finn had seen him aggressively take hold of one of the girls as she’d gotten separated from her friends. And people wonder why women always move in packs!

Later in her hotel room, Finn had a good heart to heart with herself about what she would tell her fiancé. It wouldn’t do to explain. She should never have been there in the first place, he’d argue. He hated her job. Hated that she was away weeks at a time on occasion.

Finn loved it. Mechanical engineer, hardly the proper career for a lady. It had pissed her mother off so badly. Finn had prevailed. She was somewhat of a name when it came to her field of expertise; designing, building and maintaining sustainable energy systems in new building projects. It was a constant learning curve.

Brent had made her promise she’d confine herself to the UK in the future. He needed her to be around, he had said. Finn doubted if she could ever be the successful society lady Brent and his parents would love her to be. But she was willing to give it a try. And after tonight, she could see his point as well. They didn’t need the money that bad. The UK was developing too. Enough interesting projects to get involved with, after their honeymoon.

As Finn turned over in bed, she remembered meeting Brent. It was a very posh party. The opening of a new wing of a hospital she’d worked on and which carried his family name. He’d swept her off her feet when he accidentally bumped into her. He was two inches taller than she was. Short dark hair, kempt with surgical precision, a crisp custom-made suit. And there was Finn, short red, peaky hair that refused to follow orders. The posh dress she’d gotten cheap from e-bay. It was not her preferred surrounding or dress style. Through the years she’d learned to put up a convincing act though.

Fully convinced that nagging doubt she felt deep in her stomach was perfectly normal that short before her wedding, she fell asleep. Brent wasn’t perfect. But then again, who was? She least of all.

The next day was her last on the job. It wasn’t done yet, and she hated stepping out before it was. They had run over the estimated time so far, however, that she didn’t have a choice. If she wanted to be home in time for her wedding, she’d have to fly out that night.

Good thing they had a few very good wedding planners. Finn had not had much say in the proceedings and had been rather surprised to have been allowed to pick out her dress. She didn’t care much for those things. Brent came from a well-known society family. He, and probably more his mother, had a very good idea of how they wanted things run. Finn had found it best to let them at it. If it had been up to her, an intimate ceremony with a few of their friends would have done. Brent didn’t have a few friends though. He had lots of them. Finn wasn’t as socially inclined. The team she worked with, Dave, Eddie and Cameron she’d count amongst her friends. That’s why the party that evening, they’d dubbed it her bachelor party. She’d had a proper Bachelorettes before setting off to Canberra. Brent’s sister had arranged for it. Tea, and cakes, and naughty jokes. Nothing like the beer and improper language from the guys, which was much more to Finn’s liking. She hated it that she’d have to leave this team. It was one of those compromises Brent, and she’d had to make to merge their lives.

Delayed flights, bad weather and what not more made that Finn arrived home in time for Brent to get up out of bed, the day before their wedding. There was no time to go to bed. So many last minute things to take care of, even with those formidable wedding planners.

Brent had looked at the bruise on Finn’s cheek. Suddenly shy about it, she’d put her hand over it. “It can be covered, no worries.” Was all she’d said. He’d not responded. He’d held her tight and kissed her. “It’s good you’re home.” He had said.

To Finn it was confusing. The same feeling she’d had before she left. His words and posture told her he was happy to see her. Something in his energy was off though. She put it off as wedding jitters. Like her he’d been awfully busy lately, preparing for a month’s absence during their honeymoon.

By request of the wedding planner, she had the last fitting of her dress. During the day her father arrived at their house in Hampstead Heath. Finn only had time quickly hug him in welcome. He promised to make himself comfortable and if possible useful and watched her get on. His only daughter, his only child. Brent had been very ceremonious when asking Alexander for his daughter’s hand. It had amused the older man. He and Finn weren’t very big on ceremony. It seemed, however, that ceremony, tradition, and society standard had dictated about anything to do with this wedding. He had often wondered what had attracted Finn to a man like Brent. Alex had come to two conclusions. One was that he didn’t understand women. The other that Brent was different from everything and everyone Finn had known. And that would have a pull on her unlike anything else.

That evening there was a rehearsal dinner. A very formal affair in the same hotel the wedding would be celebrated the next day. Finn had the notion she was being propped up to be presentable for family and friends. She’d wanted to stay close to her father. The gathering was pretty intimidating to her. Even after moving in Brent’s circles for about four years. Around his family, she always felt the odd one out. Not a cross word was said to her openly. Sometimes she felt the gazes though.

They managed to pull off a spotless dinner at the end of which Brent said goodnight to his fiancée and kissed her a little indecent. She would go to their home, with her father for company. He would spend the night with his parents. Finn had not thought that necessary, but tradition. She hadn’t stressed her point. The look on the face of her mother in law had told her to bite her tongue. Again.

The silence that fell over Finn and Alex as the door closed behind them made them both sigh in satisfaction.

“Drink?” Finn suggested. Her father was not the man to endure much company for so long. She appreciated the effort he made to get on good terms with her in-laws. On the other hand, that kind of society should not be as foreign to him as it was to her.

“You’re marrying very well,” Alex said to his daughter. They sat on the couch together. He had looked around well. This kind of property, in this location, he wouldn’t be surprised if it had cost them several million pounds. Brent’s Jaguar was in the driveway. Usually, when they headed into the city, they took a cab. It was easiest.

“I am. Big drawback.” She admitted. It made her father laugh. Only Finn would say that. He tilted his head.

“You’d think, as a bride, I’d have a say in my wedding.”

“You didn’t?”

“Hardly. I think the only reason I got to pick my dress, is because I picked one that fell within what they’d wanted.”

“Is it one you’d picked regardless?” He felt the underlying message. The doubts.

She shook her head. He shouldn’t be surprised. This house, this entire setting, it wasn’t who Finn was. “That’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? Compromising. Sticking together.” Finn was in her thirties; of course, she had a mature vision of things.

“If you don’t want this, you don’t have to, you know,” Alex said in a serious tone. “I mean…”

She sipped the whiskey. “I know, dad. Thanks. But I love Brent. And I’m sure we’ll find some middle ground on most things.”

Alex was worried. She was dead set on making it work. She was so much like him in that respect. “I mean, I’ll be around more often in the future. That should make things easier.” She wanted to believe that. Brent was a strong man. He fought for what he wanted. That’s what she liked about him. The way he didn’t compromise.

They talked for a while. Alex could feel she worked towards something. He could guess what it was and decided this wasn’t the time. On the eve of her wedding, she should have happy thoughts.

“Come on. You should get to bed. Otherwise, you’ll not be up to all the dancing and partying tomorrow. And if you’re good, I’ll read you one last bedtime story.”

There were tears in his eyes when he’d said it. He had done that for ages. Well beyond the age she could read herself. It had been their little ritual.

To her surprise, he sat beside her bed twenty minutes later with the favourite book from her childhood.

“Dad!”

“Ssst. Lay down, close your eyes.”

It didn’t miss its goal. Within minutes Finn had drifted off to sleep. And although she had some very vivid dreams, she always had, she managed to wake up bright and early the next day. In time to have a quiet cup of coffee before her father woke up and the wedding planner came, with the makeup artist, hairdresser and what not more in her wake.

She was positioned in the middle of their humongous downstairs kitchen. That’s where they had the most room to move and the best light.

Alex watched, slightly amused, as his daughter was being dolled up. Neither of them had realised makeup and hair alone would take hours. Suddenly the 8 am start of a 3 pm wedding made a lot of sense.

The hairdresser was almost done when the doorbell startled them. They didn’t expect anyone yet. The wedding planner rushed up to open the door and was back down within a minute. “It’s Brent. He wants to talk to you for a moment.”

“What? Now?” She responded, shocked. Brent letting go of protocol?

“Good thing you’re not in your dress yet.” Someone said. Finn hardly registered it.

“Brent?” He waited for her in the living room. “What’s wrong? Is everyone okay?”

He nodded. There was something solemn in his posture.

“Then…”

“We need to talk. Sit down, Fiona.” He never called her Finn. It was too odd for him even to pronounce.

She did as he said. Whatever was bothering him, she didn’t want to make it any worse.

“You know, we talked about everything, when… After I…”

“After you proposed and I said yes?” She helpfully added.

He nodded. “That you didn’t want any kids and stuff.”

“I can’t have any kids. It’s not that I wouldn’t want them. What’s this all about? Are you having doubts?” She hoped he had. It would make her feel so much less guilty about having them.

“Yes.” He straightened out. “No.”

Suddenly it was as if she looked at someone else. “Brent?”

“You see, I’ve met someone.”

“You’ve… No, I don’t see. What do you mean, you’ve met someone?”

“A girl. She’s...” He didn’t know how to explain it to Finn.

“You met a girl.” She knew she was repeating him. Couldn’t for the love of God come up with a thought of her own though.

Then it hit her, full force.

“You mean to tell me that you met a girl and want to, I don’t know, be with her?”

She wanted to get up and wipe that sheepish smile off of his face with her fist. “It’s our wedding day. And you tell me you met a girl?”

“Well, I didn’t just meet her.”

“Oh god.” Finn had to deliberately breathe to prevent from being overwhelmed. “You had a fucking affair. Didn’t you?”

“I couldn’t help it. You were away, and, and… Don’t tell me something like that never happened. I know the people you hang around.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, like you never slept with anyone else. And that bruise? The game got out of hand?” Did he want to pin this one on her?

“I never slept with anyone else since I met you. You know that damn well, don’t put this on me.” She refused to be distracted.

What did all of this mean?

“Anyway, you’ll understand we can’t marry like this?”

“How about work this out? We’ve invested thousands in this day. We’re together for years. We can work through this.”

He moved further away from her.

“There’s more, isn’t there?”

Best Brent could do at that moment was walking out. He didn’t. Instead, he made it worse for Finn. Much, much worse.

“She’s pregnant.”

Finn thought she’d faint. “So not only have you slept with someone else, but you also knocked her up.”

“Finn, don’t…”

“Don’t tell me to shut up! I think you can be very happy I’m not strangling you yet.” She looked up at him. “Although I might still change my mind. So you sleep with this girl, and a while later she comes back and tells you…” Damage control. She’d been in his family for too long, she realised, when she tried to find ways out of it. She was fighting for her relationship, her marriage, her wedding.

“Four months. And I knew because...”

It was as if someone had dropped a bucket of ice water down Finn’s back. Four months and he had known all along because he had been seeing her all along.

“Now what?” Practical as ever.

“I’m sure you can tell the planners to call everything off. You don’t have to do it yourself.”

“I?” She didn’t scream outwardly. “How about your part in this?”

“About that.” He moved towards the door.

“Seeing we won’t be going on our honeymoon, I rebooked. We have to be at Heathrow in an hour. With this traffic, we better leave soon. I assume you’ll have moved out by the time we get back.”

Finn was still too confused to respond. He had gone cold and rigid. “It is all for the best. I mean, we tried Finn, but you don’t really fit in, in our world, do you? You wouldn’t have been happy.”

“I would have tried. I would have fought. I would not have taken off with the first available floozy.”

“Don’t call her that.”

“Why did you even propose to me? Why did you go through with this charade? You could have stopped it sooner.”

“You wanted it so badly, and I thought, well. You’d stuck with me. You deserved…” He didn’t get to finish his sentence.

“I think we’re done.” She beat him to the door and darted up the stairs to their bedroom. When she heard the front door slam, she rushed to the bedroom on the other side of the house. From there she could see him get into a waiting cab. He bent over to kiss the person next to him and in that fleeting second Finn recognised her. She was a friend of the family. They’d met a few times at formal occasions.

Finn’s fingers dug into the windowsill, hardly able to keep standing. A thousand thoughts rushed through her head. She should go downstairs and tell everyone the wedding was cancelled. It shouldn’t be up to her. He should bear some of that responsibility.

A few minutes after Brent had left, Alex went to see his daughter. She’d not returned yet. That could not be good.

 “Sweetheart?” Alex said. He saw his daughter’s rigid posture. Her eyes were still focussed on the street outside. That spot where the cab had been.

“Yes?” She turned to her father. Her face had that weird cold mask on it, he’d seen before. It meant that she would not show any emotion, didn’t mean there wasn’t any. It was the best she could manage without completely breaking down.

“Is everything okay?” For maybe the first time, he also saw something of her mother in her. It scared him.

“No.”

“Brent? What did he say?”
”That there’s not going to be a wedding. I’m sorry, dad. I need to talk to Erica.” She walked passed him, not giving him time or space to ask questions.

“Cancel what can be cancelled. Donate to goodwill what can be donated, tell the hotel to put normal people up in the nicer rooms. Maybe the bridesmaids and groomsmen will be helpful with calling off the guests.” Finn took a deep breath. “I can’t, I’m sorry.”

Erica stood beside her, ready to move in for a hug, but Finn wouldn’t allow for it. No time for such nonsense. The amount of money wasted, and even more, people inconvenienced was too great for her to fall apart now.

She thanked the artist’s for their services and shooed them out the door.

“Finn.” It was Erica, trying to get through to her bride.

“It’s okay, Erica. You did fantastically. And if you’ve taken care of this, I’ll make sure you’ll get an excellent recommendation and bonus.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Erica had been closest to Finn in the entire process. That’s why she was on bride watch on the wedding day.

“I’m very sorry. I don’t know what happened. But I’m sure it’s not your fault.”

Finn tried to smile. “You’re right. It isn’t. I’m sorry too. I’m sure you have enough going on without me wasting your time, now if you’ll please excuse me, I have some falling apart to do.”

Erica and Alex watched as Finn darted out of the room. Her footsteps sounded on the stairs and after the slam of a door, silence.