Finn Part 9

Jaime drove his car to Dumbarton, through the night. It wasn’t that late yet, and although it had been a long day, he wasn’t tired. He felt a warmth spread he’d not felt in ages. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye to the feeling yet. So when he drove up to his home, he decided to keep following the coastal route Finn had mentioned before. He’d been as far as Cardross when he’d been house hunting. And sometimes for supplies. But never beyond. Like her, he followed the road all the way up. There was hardly any traffic, giving him the distinction that he was in the Twilight Zone. Miles and miles of nothingness were excellent to clear his head.

The day was dawning when he came back home. He lit the fire and felt the warmth spread out through the entire house. Felt it come back to life. Happily, he crawled into his bed and fell asleep.

As Finn drove towards Dumbarton that Wednesday she was nervous. Time and distance had made it easy for her to believe she would be okay. But now faced with having to go there again, it didn’t feel that simple. Best she could hope for was that there wouldn’t be a tour through the house again. And there wasn’t. Her father had a bit of a cold and was happy to stick to the day rooms. They chose the dining room as their base of operations. Jaime had brought his samples again. Finn also had some for colour reference and things like that.

Some of the rooms now sported very bold colours. As if the person choosing them before had hoped to keep the darkness at bay by picking bright yellows, reds, and blues. According to Alex, it had been Finn’s grandmother. Her mother’s mother. Involuntarily it made Finn remember the box under her bed. She’d not opened it since taking it home. All and all she’d barely had time to think about it.

Her father chose more natural colours. Greys with a dash of blue, red, or green through it on occasion. “That’s going to look lovely.” Emily complimented when Finn put it all on her laptop and showed the 3D images.

Emily also agreed that the washer and dryer could easily be moved to the utility room. “The downstairs dining room never gets used, so I can dry things there if necessary.”

“Attic,” Finn said after they’d taken a break. They had tackled it the other way around from the way Jaime and she had done it at her place.

“I never come there.” Alex said, “So I’d say neutral colours, nothing fancy.”

“There’s that closet there, do you have the key?” Finn asked. She played dumb on purpose. It was so long ago that she’d asked her father about it, she thought she would get away with it.

“We tried it last time. It was locked. Jaime said the key wasn’t on the key ring.”

Jaime nodded in agreement. He knew what she was after. A reaction from her father.

“It’s not?” Alex answered. He obviously lied. “I’m not sure where it is. I’ll check it out when it’s less dark in the house. You’re not starting all of this yet, are you?”

“No, not until February at it’s earliest,” Jaime said.

“What’s in there, anyway?” Finn leaned forward, curious how her father would respond this time.

He shrugged casually, very hard trying to hide his discomfort.

“Some of your baby things, I believe. Maybe some stuff from your mother. Not sure actually. I never came up there much.”

Jaime wasn’t shocked Finn backed off. He knew by now she wasn’t one to look for confrontation if she didn’t think it would amount to anything. It meant she had a plan. Now he knew how strong she was, that should scare him.

She looked up at him with a comforting smile. He would almost fall for it. If only he hadn’t seen her go to pieces that night.

Finn had half hoped that Jaime would be invited for Christmas dinner.

When they were done, Alex did indeed ask him to be there. He declined though. “Visiting my folks this year. Sorry.” 

“How about you, Finn? If it’s the two of us, Deirdre and Ben invited me over, I’m sure they’ll extend the invitation to you.”

She thought it over for a moment. It would at least be better than this house. “Sure.” She promised. “Do I need to bring anything?” It was the couple that had spent last Christmas at her father’s.

She knew she could easily wing a trip to London, to Dave and his wife, or Eddie. Or even Cameron, who usually had a very colourful Christmas. It wouldn’t be fair towards her father though. They were the only family they still had. His brother and sister had passed away a long time ago. Aunt Abigail didn’t want anything to do with them.

In the last weeks towards Christmas Finn had one more run out of town. As far as Birmingham this time. It was her and Cameron for the occasion. They stayed in a hotel together. Cameron didn’t fancy driving all the way around London for three consecutive days. Finn had the same idea about Glasgow.

“What’s up with you?” Cameron asked after two days of work.

Finn shrugged. “Nothing, why?”

“You seem… different somehow.”

“How different?”

He wasn’t sure. “Somehow calmer.” She shot him a look that bordered on angry. “Ouch, tender point?”

“I’m sure it’s nothing. Maybe I’m settling down more now I have the apartment in Glasgow.”

“So what have you been up to, lately?” He knew the work he threw her way would not keep her busy all the time.

“If you must know. We’re going to renovate my dad’s home.”

Cameron blinked. She’d never explicitly told them, but her attitude towards it made that he knew she had no particular fondness of the place.

“Who’s we?”

“Me, my father, Jaime, a friend of my father’s. And for a few things I had hoped you would kindly lend us your services. We’ll pay you of course.”

“Pay me?” He’d seen the look in her eyes when she’d mentioned Jaime. “No need to pay me. I want a front row ticket to that. So tell me about this Jaime.”

Luckily Finn knew him well enough to get away with giving him a minimum of information. She couldn’t hide her interest though. Quickly she’d turned the tables though and got him talking about his latest conquests. Cameron was still looking for his one true love and had the philosophy that he should sample as many men as he possibly could. In a way, Finn admired that in him. She often wished she could be as free. Not that she’d never had a one-night-stand, but she’d never made a habit out of them. She always felt a bit dirty afterwards. Seeing what she had been through over the past weeks, she saw working with Cameron for a few days as relaxation. She was almost sorry they were done, and each went their way again. They wouldn’t see each other until far into January when they’d fly out to the States again. Monterey, Northern California this time. They did a lot of work on the US West Coast.

When Finn returned to Glasgow, Jaime had already left for his parents. Her father had told her as much. He’d also suggested she would come over at Christmas Eve and spend the night. She’d declined the honour.

“You spent the night here last time. Nothing serious happened. Are you still not over it?”

“Dad, it’s almost Christmas. Let’s not go into that now, shall we?”

He grunted, didn’t answer though. He’d not given up yet. Finn had no intention of spending the night at that house. Especially not if Jaime wouldn’t be anywhere near.

On Christmas day she did drive out to her father. They had an early, light lunch. She told him how far they were with the plans.

“From the second week in January you can expect some deliveries. I’ll mail you what exactly. Is there room in the garage for it?”

“It’s mostly empty. I park the car there, but other than that there’s nothing in it. It was a four-car garage. “You can also use the downstairs bedroom to store things.”

“That won’t be necessary.” She quickly said. She hoped so very much. Because she would have to check on the deliveries and the garage was well away from the house.

Her father changed after lunch, and after another cup of tea, Finn drove them over to the other couple. She handed them the gifts she had bought to thank them for their hospitality. And the dessert they’d liked so much last year.

Deirdre hugged her. It took her aback a bit. Although she often hugged her co-workers, being that close to a woman she barely knew made her ill at ease. She’d not had that many women in her life.

“We should make a tradition of this,” Deirdre said when she took the dish. Again the training in small talk she’d getting from Brent, worked wonders for Finn.

Her father’s friends were wonderful people. Ben had two children from a previous marriage, but they had opposed to their father remarrying, so they rarely came over. Deirdre never had any children of her own. She did go full-on mother over Finn though.

“Such a delightful girl.” She said to Alex as Finn helped Ben get the dessert ready.

“Hardly a girl, mind you,” Alex answered. “37 in January.”

“Well, compared to our age. Remarkable though, in that day an age, only one child.” Deirdre and Ben hadn’t met up until later in life.

Finn was in the kitchen, listening with intent while trying to pay attention to what Ben was doing. She heard her father answer.

“We tried for a very long time. My wife… it was hard. We’d not counted on it at all anymore, to be honest.”

Deirdre looked kind of solemn. “Miscarriages?” It had been a long time ago. Finn knew that back in those days this was not discussed.

Alex merely nodded. “It tore Elizabeth up. So we stopped trying.”

Through the years Finn had developed a radar for when her father wasn’t completely honest. She could hear the slight waver in his voice that made her wonder what more there was to the story. Of course, she’d known that her parents had wanted more children. Next year she’d be the age her mother was when she’d had her, though her parents had been married for over ten years by then.

“What do you think?” Ben asked.

Startled Finn looked up at him. She’d been lost in thought again.

“Oh, perfect.” She looked at how he’d scooped out the dessert and dressed it.

“Must be tedious, to spend Christmas with us oldies.” He grinned. He was a very relaxed and open man. Finn took an instant liking to him. “And then Deirdre being all over you, mustn’t be easy.”

“I’m fine. I’ve done posh and over the top. This is very nice.” It wasn’t a lie. With Brent, she’d spent Christmas in London. Running from one posh party to another. Christmas dinner had always been an abundant and formal affair. Her father had joined her once after Brent and Finn got engaged. He was not sorry that he had to miss out on those at all. Neither was Finn herself.

It was late that they finally managed to free themselves from Deirdre’s caring claws. Her father had had a few glasses of wine. Finn didn’t, because she was still driving. It was close to midnight. The ground was dusted in a light cover of snow, and seeing the dark and heavy sky, a lot more was to be expected.

“I don’t like you driving all the way back to Glasgow in these conditions.” Her father said. Finn had already seen this coming and had mentally prepared for the battle.

“It’s fine. The main roads are always clear. It’s not that far.”

“You always hear about those horrible accidents at Christmas. Finn, don’t do that to me.”

“I’m fine, dad. I’ve driven under far worse conditions.” Within the team, Dave was usually the designated driver. But they all had a go at the wheel on occasion.

And Finn was in no way planning to spend the night in that cold and dark house. In the end, Alex had to accept that. “I’ll see you New Year’s Eve. Need me to pick you up?” Finn had noticed her father was getting reluctant to drive long stretches on his own these days. Well, he was nearly 80 years old. His reflexes weren’t what they used to be.

“Let’s see how the weather holds up. Maybe I’ll come by train.”

“We’ll see. And dad, be really careful. Don’t go out there for no good reason. A little slip is enough…”

“Finn!” He called her to order. “It’s bad enough that I’m an old man. No need for you to remind me of that.” She smiled. “Okay, as long as you realise.” He did. He realised it every morning when he got out of bed. Every doctor’s visit he made. And there seemed to be more these last years. His doctor had even been as bold as to suggest he might want to move somewhere closer to other people. Like a care home! The nerve of that guy.

Finn walked her father up to the back door of the lower ground floor. She didn’t want him walking up the slippery stone steps to the terrace, as they usually did.

“Be good, okay.” She hugged him.

“Finn, you be careful too.” He tried to get her inside. Even standing here at the door, she felt the energy trying to pull her in. It stirred inside of her. She straightened out, mentally telling it to go away. Somewhat scared it might stay with her when she left.

It didn’t. Her father locked up as she walked back to her car. There she waited until she saw the lights on the floor above come on. From his library, her father waved as she drove by. She’d succeeded in getting away again.

Before she’d reached the main road, snow had started to fall in earnest. It was stupid, bordering on suicidal, driving home in these conditions, in the middle of the night. Yes, the roads in and around the city would quickly be cleared, but out here, in the middle of nowhere? She’d checked the weather, and she knew this had been coming. That morning she’d even gone as far as putting a box with a blanket and some emergency supplies on her back seat.

Squinting, trying to see something through the falling snow she made slow progress towards home. She had to hang in there. No one was coming to her rescue this time. If she’d slide off the road, it might not be until the next day before anyone found her.

No Jaime to save her this time.

To distract herself, she turned on the radio a bit louder. She sang along to the songs on the oldie station. The weather reports in between were not cheerful though. Everyone North of Manchester was advised not to leave the house. Load of good that did her, halfway between Glasgow and Dumbarton. It was stupid. And before Clydebank, she decided to give up. She steered her car off the highway and through Kilbowie to a hotel she knew there.

Thank heaven’s the night manager was awake and willing to check her in. “Don’t see many folks coming this way, in this weather.” His Scottish accent was thick, and it made Finn already feel so much better. “Anything else I can get you, love.”

Finn looked at the bar behind him. “How about a hot chocolate, with a dash of Scotch.”

“Only one? I’ll bring it right up to your room. Something to eat?”

She had a hard time not burping. “No thanks, think that Christmas dinner is going to last me three days.” The man laughed at that.

Finn retreated to her room. It was a spacious double. For a place so close to home, it felt more luxurious than she’d ever held possible. Ages ago she’d once spent the night here, with her then-boyfriend, trying to be romantic. It hadn’t looked this nice back then.

After a knock on the door, the night manager came in. He’d gotten her a thermos and a little pitcher beside it on a tray. “You’re going to need more than one, to warm up. Driving out there like you’d been.”

“Not my smartest move. But I’m safe now. That’s what counts.” She admitted as she thanked him with a generous tip. Over years of travel, she’d learned to appreciate people who went above and beyond what was asked to keep guests comfortable. They needed to be cherished.

Finn didn’t mind not having pyjamas or anything else at hand. She’d be home the next morning, and the bed looked warm enough. Flicking channels, she treated herself to two mugs of chocolate with a generous dash of the fine Scotch. She thought of her escape from the house. How she had to handle that. Of her father, all alone there, convinced it was all in her head. And Jaime, sweet Jaime. She clearly remembered his face when he told her he wasn’t so sure it was all in her head. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. But was the procedure in getting it out of her head very different than getting it out of the house? She’d have to find out some day. Not when her father was there though. There were too many variables, and she didn’t want him around when she’d face up to her demons. Since she didn’t know what shit she’d be stirring up. Like the house, Finn’s memory also kept many secrets from her. It had frustrated her for a very long time. In the end, she’d accepted it as the blanks of her brain.

Why had she started to doubt everything lately? She’d had a perfectly good life without wondering. Without having to fight all those things. Without remembering. Why was it so important to get the truth out now? Just before she fell asleep the answer came to her. Because now her father was still alive and in reasonably good health. He was the only one who would know, who could verify what she felt. And he wasn’t granting it to her. Brushing it away like sand on the terrace. He refused to acknowledge how serious this all was for her.

The Scotch kicked in, and Finn fell in a deeper sleep than she’d had in ages.

Her phone woke her up in the morning. She’d slept right through the night. No dreams, no illusions. That didn’t happen to her very often. It took her a moment to realise a ringing phone meant that she’d have to answer.

“Yeah?” Her Scottish genes had made that she didn’t have a hangover. She was still half asleep, however.

“Finn, where the hell are you? Why didn’t you answer sooner, you got me worried sick.” It was her father.

“Oh, I’m fine. The road was horrible, so I went to the hotel at Kilbowie.”

“And you didn’t bother calling me.” It hadn’t even crossed her mind.

“Sorry, Dad. I figured you’d be well asleep by then. Anything wrong?” When she sat up, she also saw the tray on the desk. The thermos was replaced. There was also a basket with rolls, a bowl of yoghurt and orange juice. Someone had been in the room and she’d not even noticed? That was so unlike her. The previous day had worn her out.

“No, everything is fine. I wanted to know if you got home safely. When I woke up, the news was horrible. Snowed in cars and houses and everything.”

“I saw it last night. Don’t worry. I’m not entirely stupid.”

“I know. But…” She knew what the ‘but’ he couldn’t elaborate on meant. It meant that he sometimes was scared she was more like her mother than they’d thought until now. That she had her unstable moments.

“Anyway, good to hear you’re safe. Don’t go out there yet, okay? Wait until the roads have cleared.”

“No worries, dad. I’m good. You stay safe as well.”

“I will. Love you, Finn. See you soon.”

“Soon. Love you too.” They didn’t say it all that often. And maybe it had been about due.

Finn didn’t rush at all. Since she had that fine breakfast in her room she could treat herself to a bath that she didn’t have to clean up after, she indulged. It was about two in the afternoon that she checked out and set off for home.

Finn felt very cheerful in the days between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. At the latter, she’d have a small party. Her father would be there and would spend the night. A few neighbours would join as well, since she lived on the top floor and the view of the fireworks was amazing, according to them.

Her father called her as well. “Finn, can I bring Jaime along? Then you won’t have to drive all the way out here.” The snow had not disappeared yet, and some were added gradually over the days.

She was about to say yes when she thought of the inclinations of that. It would mean he’d have to spend the night as well. Was she up to that? If she weren’t he’d have to spend a solitary night at his house, Finn assumed.

“Sure. I’ll have to see if I can dig up a guest bed somewhere. No problem.”

“Fine. Do we need to bring anything?”

“No, all is catered for. My neighbours are bringing all kinds of dishes. They’ll probably have some fireworks as well. We’ll be fine. Nice of Jaime to want to drive you.”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to see you again.” Alex knew he was mean there. But after giving it a considerable amount of thought, he’d decided Finn’s reaction to his friend was uncharacteristic, and she had to like and trust him well enough. Otherwise, he would never have been asleep on her bed that night. Perhaps a little push was all that they needed. And what better than a light, friendly, relaxed party, a few beers, and the romantic backdrop of fireworks. It could work.

“Okay, see you then.”

“Take care.”

Alex hung up the phone and walked out of his library. Jaime was in the kitchen because Emily had had trouble with the drainage. “Jaime, I got off the phone with Finn. She asked if you wanted to come to her New Year Eve’s party.”

“What?” Jaime said. He was pulling up the probe he’d lowered down into the waste pipe under the sink. Gurgling noises came up from the depth.

“Finn. Party, Saturday? We can spend the night at her place. I was already going to, and she assured me she could arrange for a bed for you too. I’d hate the thought of you being all alone at your place.”

The probe came loose from the drain, splattering a bit of water and dirt around, making Jaime step backwards.

“Yes, of course. That’s very kind of her. Although there’s nothing wrong with alone, a good book, a fire and a beer, you know.”

“I know.”

“I’d love to be there. Shall I pick you up then? Don’t know how you’d intended to go there.”

Alex smiled. His plan was coming together nicely. He didn’t fancy spending another year all alone in that big house. He wasn’t getting any younger. Although he’d lived alone there for years, he’d never felt is as lonely. He did this last year. He was getting less mobile. Getting up in the morning wasn’t as easy as it used to be.