Finn Part 8

Finn was so lost in thoughts that she completely missed the stop in Glasgow. She didn’t notice until the train thundered out of the city again. After a short moment of panic, she settled back in. The train was warm. She sat comfortably could get a nice cup of coffee and a snack from the on-train catering. For a while, she let the vacuum of not having to do anything, think about anything settle in her system. Thoughts whirled through her head as clouds spun over the train. Sometimes they dumped their rain on them. Finn had travelled from Dumbarton to Glasgow by train every day for years. It had always felt like getting away, escaping the dreamscape and go out in the real world.

That railway had been her lifeline for years. Right until she learned to drive and got herself a small car.

The sun was out again, by the time the train pulled into Edinburgh Waverly. A bit stiff Finn got off the train there. She’d been there before. Sometimes she loved taking the bus from there and go all the way out to the coast. This time she didn’t. She had to be careful. The medication made her feel good now, but that wasn’t going to last all day. She’d been pretty hurt. It had been stupid. She should have had herself checked out. Not like she’d never had a concussion before. In her line of work things sometimes tended to hit your head.

Instead of the coast, she walked in the opposite direction. The Old Town. She found a nice place to have a cup of tea and stared at the old buildings surrounding the square. They were old and oozed with the energy of history. Yet none of them gave her the feeling her father’s house did. Very consciously she opened herself up to it. And after her tea, she wandered through the streets for a while, touching the stone. Emerging herself in it, as it seemed.

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” Finn’s dallying around had led her to the Scottish National Gallery. She’d not been there since she’d been in school. “Shame it never got build.” An old lady stood next to her looking at a perspective view of a building that had never actually been built. It seemed old 19^th century. Many things clicked in Finn’s head that day. Those buildings would have been state-of-the-art back then. However old it all seemed now. Finn smiled at the old lady. “Indeed.”

She was delighted when she’d seen this exhibition was on. For some things, it was very good that they’d never made it. Plans too outlandish, too expensive to be made real. But they were the very roots of the work she did now. And it was good to see the history of that. The irony wasn’t lost on her. After running away from anything even remotely old for years, she was trying to embrace it. This might not be what Jaime had meant when he said she needed to spend time in the house, but it was a start. She was learning to embrace things that were not new and modern. Those were big steps for her.

The weather took a turn for the worse when she was back on her way to the station. It was a bit more crowded in the train this time around, but Finn managed to find a good seat anyway. Now she did manage to get out at the right station. Tired she came home. There she was welcomed by a slight mess in the bathroom and the still smudged bed linen. She had a shower and changed into some comfortable clothes first. Then she tackled the mess. It was good to be in her apartment again. No walls, no doors to hide things. All clean openness. Exactly how she liked it.

Because of the headaches, Finn had to limit her time behind the computer for some days. She did manage to put everything for the house on the computer though. She’d been on the phone with her father a few times. He didn’t offer to come over, mostly because he was busy with a few short notice editing jobs and a few social engagements. Finn didn’t stress it, lying that she had a lot to be getting on with as well. She had to come clean with herself, although she wasn’t sure how.

November crawled by. Finn was all better. Snow was expected soon. In the last conversation with her father, he’d told her his yearly weekend had been postponed to February, due to the organising host falling ill. Jaime had checked to see if the house was winter proof. That was a big consolation to Finn. She hated the thought of her father being snowed in in that big house.

All contact with Jaime had been through e-mail. He gave her the room to handle things in her way. Without words, he told her that he wasn’t going to push her any harder. Her father wasn’t as kind.

“We can start the work after you’ve been away,” Finn suggested. “I can finalise the list of things that need ordering way in advance with Jaime soon. Then you can pick colours and everything, and we can get a work schedule fixed.”

Her father was well in favour of that. February was still winter, but they could start with the jobs that didn’t require outside air or big movements first. Finn was well equipped to make a week by week schedule. “We can have most things done by summer, I’m sure.”

“With your work, can you take that much time off?”

She checked the plans. There wasn’t much that required her immediate presence. Most she could do in between the things Jaime and maybe a hired contractor would take on. A few days here and there. “I’m sure we can make it work.” She promised. She stared at another thing on her desk. An envelope. It contained an invitation to a career day from the Strathclyde University, where she’d studied. Because she was so successful in her field and because she was a woman, she was asked to tell about what she did, what it entailed. To see if she could make more kids and more importantly, more girls, interested in choosing beta- and engineering courses at the University. She’d liked the idea to showcase the many wonders of her profession. It was fun, and she came in so many wonderful places.

“Okay. I guess I’ll see you guys soon then.” Her father pulled her back from her musings.

“Yeah, sure. Soon.” It was as good as done. The only thing that kept her from signing off on it was her reluctance to meet Jaime again. What he had done for her that night, his silence acceptance of the demons in her head had meant the world to her. And she couldn’t stand to see the look in his eyes now he’d had time to think about it, and probably had concluded that she was barking mad. Because given all the time between then and now, she was almost convinced of that herself. That her father was right and it was all in her head.

It was Jaime who broke the radio silence.

“How are you?” He asked over the phone. His voice sounded warm and cheerful.
”I’m good, thank you. No more headaches and everything. How are you?”

“Fine. Did another project meanwhile. Can we meet up for a cup of coffee, or something, so we can go over the plans we’ve got so far?” She heard the underlying question and was happy he made it easy on her.

“I’m about done.”

“Good, I’m heading out to Glasgow tomorrow. Is that convenient? I could bring some samples, and we can make a pre-selection.” It was his way of saying ‘can we get together before we present it to your father’.

She thought about it for a moment. They could meet in the city somewhere. On the other hand, in her apartment they had all the room and quiet they’d need.

“Fine. You can swing by my place. I’m at home.”

“Not rushing out to London or beyond?”

He heard her laugh. It sounded good. After what he’d been through with her, he needed to see her laugh.

“Don’t tell my father, but I’m more or less grounded until the start of the new year. New budgets and companies are fearing that we’re not done in time for the holidays and everything.”

“Ah. Your secret is safe with me.” She knew that. “I’ll be there around one-ish I think. Want me to bring some lunch?”

“Nah, I’ll take care of it.” She promised. “See you tomorrow.”

She was nervous. She couldn’t believe she was nervous when she waited for Jaime the next day. She wasn’t a Master Chef, but she could hold her own in the kitchen.

Jaime was a bit late. He’d send her a message to tell her so. That was very thoughtful of him. It was 1.30 when he arrived. Not that late at all.

Finn let him in and offered her cheek for him to kiss. She’d thought about it long and hard and had decided that if she was going to invite him into her home, he was a friend. Staying out of reach would be awkward.

He was pleasantly surprised. His lips were cold to her warm cheek. “Good to see you.” He said. Finn tried to hide her blush at him being close. She could smell his cologne. It was a light woody smell. She liked it. It seemed to fit him to a T.

He had a small trolley with him. “My samples.” He explained when she watched. “A computer is nice and all, but to get a feel for things…” “Ah, okay.” The ping of the oven saved her.

“I have lunch ready if you want?”

“Nice, I’m hungry.” She took his coat and watched him walk further into her apartment. He wore jeans, a sweater and worn down sneakers. She was in jeans as well. It had taken her ridiculously long to decide on clothes that morning.

“Something smells good in here.”

“Thank you. I made a cottage pie. Hope you like it.” He seemed the type for good old fashioned hearty food.

“The lady cooks.” He beamed at her. She couldn’t help but laugh. “Not as good as you, I fear. But I can handle my own.”

“Guess you pick up things, from all the travelling you do.” On her direction he sat down at the table she’d already laid. “Yeah, sort of.”

Seeing her move through her own home, everything about her made sense. This was where she belonged.

“Your father told me you did most things here yourself.”

“I did. It was a big project, but it turned out exactly the way I’d envisioned it.”

She had taken the pie from the oven and put it on the table. After checking around if she’d not forgotten anything, she sat down opposite Jaime. “Well, tuck in.” She invited him.

“In a minute.” Again that serious look in his eyes.

Finn looked at him questioningly. Did she really want to know what he was thinking?

“How have you been, Finn. Since…”

“Since my concussion, since I let my imagination run wild with me?”

He nodded. “Fine. Had a headache for a while. Slowed down my computer work considerably, but I managed.”

He reached out and put his hand over hers on the table. He turned it over and massaged the palm with his thumb.

“That’s not what I meant. You know it’s not.”

She took a moment to gather her thoughts. Not to mention the distraction Jaime’s hand around hers offered. It felt nice, safe. She’d not felt it like that for a long time.

“I’ve been good. I don’t know why I freaked out so hard that night. It’s…”

Jaime didn’t smile. That rather worried her. “Do you think it’s all in your head? Or is that what you want to believe?” He decided straightforward was the best way to go. He didn’t want her to come up with any excuses. She’d stirred something up that night. In herself, in that blasted house, and in him. Things he’d never expected to feel again. He wasn’t ready to face up to it yet.

She averted her gaze, pulled her hand back. That was the answer he needed. “I don’t think it’s in your head. I don’t know about ghosts, spirits, energy, or whatever you want to call it. But that house feels different when you’re there. Part of it seems happier, lighter and part of it seems to whirl in darkness.”

She didn’t know what to say. Lost for words she stared at her empty plate. How could he know that in such a short time?

“Let’s not talk about the house yet.” She cut him off. “Lunch. And you really should tell me a bit about yourself.” She wanted to know about him.

During lunch, Jaime told her about growing up somewhere close to Inverness. His father was a carpenter, and he grew up helping out in the family business. “There wasn’t any money to study, so when I had started working and moved out of my parent’s house, I started doing courses. Catherine was the teacher of the Architectural History course I took.” He had been talking for a while when he mentioned her. Finn didn’t stop him. How could she, he seem to have a glow about him when he talked. So he continued to talk about meeting her, getting to know her and how they were married incredibly quickly. “She was the love of my life.” How could he sit there so calmly, after losing her? Finn would have been devastated. He seemed to notice her confusion and read it right. “I was a broken man when she died. Believe me. It had almost come to the point where I…”

He looked up at Finn and saw only kindness in her eyes. She’d been there. He needn’t tell her.

“My time with Catherine was the happiest time of my life. She gave me the courage to quit my job and start this restoration thing. Her investment, both in love and in money made it possible. She’s not here anymore though. She’ll always be part of me and who I am. But I had to let go of her.” While he said it, he smiled. Finn had tears in her eyes. One of them escaped and rolled down her cheek.

He reached out, and with his thumb he caught it. “Don’t cry. That’s life. You love, you lose, you grieve, and you move on.”

“I couldn’t have done it.” She admitted.

“You could have. I’m sure.”

She shook her head. Wasn’t that the very reason she’d not allowed anyone to come close to her? Not Brent, but not her father either?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring you down.” He apologised. She tried to smile. “You didn’t. It’s beautiful. To love and accept so completely. You’re a very wondrous person, Jaime.”

He shrugged, somewhat uncomfortable. “We all do what it takes to survive.” He picked up his fork and continued eating. The last thing he wanted to do was put her on the spot.

When they were done eating he got up with her to help her clear the table. “You don’t have to…” She turned and bumped into him. His arm quickly wrapped around her waist to keep her from harm.

“I was raised by my mother not to sit back when others are working.”

“It’s hardly working.” She looked up at him. His arm around her didn’t make her feel trapped at all. Many thoughts zoomed through her head. One of them was that she wanted to kiss him. That perfect mouth, so close, so accessible.

As if he felt it, he let go and carefully stepped away. Not that he’d not felt it. Or even was opposed to it. But he stuck to his earlier notion that Finn had to work through some things first. Not until she was stable, could he even consider starting anything with her. He felt how dependent she was on him and he wanted her to know she was safe with him. That he would be her anchor if she needed it.

Finn sighed, tried to hide her disappointment. He was right of course. There was no way they could start anything. They were too different. She was too flaky. She could hardly wait for next year to start and to go back to work. To her physical work. She wasn’t made to sit behind a desk all day.

The table was soon covered with all kinds of samples. Side by side they looked at the plans for the house and the samples Jaime had brought. Finn made some great suggestions as to alternative materials.

“That wood grain is great for the floors. We can paint it in any colour we want. And,” she pulled something up on her computer, “if we use this fibre under-floor, you can wire the under-floor heating through it, and it will keep the floors warm during the winter and cool during the summer. There will be no need to keep the heating on all day, only an hour in the morning and maybe once more during the day if it’s extremely cold out. But since we’re keeping the gas-hearths too, probably not even.”

“Oh, that’s great material.” He read up on it. “And there won’t be any need to make grooves in the existing floors.”

“Triple win.”

“I might need your input on all my builds. You’re going to make my job so much easier.” Although the under-floor heating would be a modern feature, the way they’d use it would prevent them from having to tamper with the original structure of the building, which in itself would be great.

They worked through it, floor by floor. Top to bottom.

Before they started on the lower ground floor, they took a little break. Jaime was kind of anxious about it.

“We can use the laundry room for the installations. It should fit. We could move the laundry either to the utility room next to the kitchen, or maybe to one of the bathrooms in the attic.” Finn suggested. “Or maybe in the large bathroom, the built-in storage there could harbour a washer/dryer.”

“You do know that would mean you’d have to work down there, don’t you?” Jaime decided to say it. Finn would do most of the installation of the new electric system and the new water divider and filter.

“I know.” She curtly said. Later she’d figure out how to do that. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if there were people around. The back door open for fresh air. Voices, music.

“There’s also some digging that’ll have to be done for new piping etcetera. I think we can stick to the back of the house.” She pulled up the blueprints to see how the place was wired and connected to the main waterlines. “If this is correct…” She pointed it out to Jaime. They were shoulder to shoulder. “Everything comes in here. That would be excellent because we can dig at this corner of the house.” She pointed at the sitting room behind the laundry room. “And we won’t have to go through hoops to redo it all from the main station at the road.”

They’d have to ask for permission though. Even if it were on private land, the plans would have to be approved.

During the entire process, Finn had taken notes and added things to the plans on the computer. She was handy at using the program. Jaime admired what the program could all do and her knowledge of it.

“Perfect.” He complimented after a last quick run through. “I guess this means we’re going to meet with your father soon, to see what colours and stuff.” He’d pretty much given them carte blanche on installing everything. It was Finn’s house after all and would make the place more desirable once it got on the market. For him, it wouldn’t change all that much.

“I think we can, yes.” It would be the first time she’d go back to the house since that night. She wasn’t looking forward to it. What if nothing had changed? What if it had?

Jaime put his hand on her arm for a second, to reassure her. He’d be there. She would be safe.

“You can call him now, to set it up,” Jaime suggested. He got up.

Finn found that she wasn’t ready to let him go yet. “Bathroom?” He asked as he looked around, a little lost.

“Opposite of the front door,” Finn said as she took out her phone.

“Wednesday?” She suggested. Usually, her father was home that day. For as far as she knew, he didn’t attend his bridge club or whatever else then.

“Excellent. Or Thursday, if he’s busy then.”

It made Finn feel like a teenager doing something naughty, that he allowed her to decide if she wanted to tell her father if he was there or not.

“Dad, we’ve finalised the plans. We’re ready to fill in the aesthetics. Is Wednesday afternoon convenient?”

It was. They chatted shortly, inquiring after each other’s health. And that was it again. “I’ll see you Wednesday.” Finn greeted him. Jaime was about to come out of the bathroom again.

“Sure, I’ll ask Emily to bake something.”

“Lovely. See you then.”

While Finn and Jaime had been working, it had gotten dark out. They’d been at it for hours, they found to their surprise.

“Fancy grabbing some dinner, somewhere?” Jaime suggested. He didn’t want to drive to his house and still have to cook dinner. Getting her to talk about what she knew, made that she had a kind of glow about her. And he found that he dug it tremendously. He’d not seen her so stable and sure of herself yet. It reminded him of something Catherine had once said. “You know what’s sexy? Confidence is sexy.” It certainly was.

Being away from the house made her feel so much better. And Jaime was good company. They’d shared a few laughs that afternoon.

“Okay, one condition.” She said.

“Which is?”

“No talk about the house and its history.”

“Deal.”
”Cool, did you have any ideas of where to go?”

He shrugged. “I’ve not made myself at home here yet. You got an idea?”

“Of course. Make yourself a cup of coffee I’ll quickly get changed and then we’re good to go.”

He blinked. She looked nice enough for him. On the other hand, if she wanted to change for dinner, who was he to oppose?

When Finn came back, she looked like that first time he’d met her. Although the tights were thicker and the top was a sweater. Again a short skirt that sat on her knees. It was rather tight, making her hips stand out again. The skirt had a purple paisley motif, which stood out nicely to the black tights. The black sweater was tight enough to remind him of all her female forms. Her chunky heels almost made her his length. “Okay like this?”

“Perfect.” He granted. Finn thanked him with a wide smile. Involuntarily she remembered Brent seeing her like this for the very first time. The disproval in his face had been enough for her to part with all her short skirts and chunky heels. She was happy they were back.

“Your father told me how old you are, sorry,” Jaime said when she got her purse. He held up her coat for her. “I can’t believe it.”

That made her laugh. “Is that your way of saying I dress too young for my age?”

“Not at all. You have the miraculous disposition of looking younger than your age as well as feeling much older. I think my mother would call you an old soul.”

She’d directed him to a restaurant not far from where she lived. “Don’t let the simple and modern look deceive you. They do serve the best food.” She reassured him. The seats that had looked hard and uncomfortable at first turned out to be very comfortable too.

“I’m driving so I won’t have any wine, but if you want to…” He offered. Finn shrugged. “I don’t drink all that much. I might have a beer though. They have very special ones on tap here.”

“I think I’ll have one with you. I should be able to handle one.” It should have worn off by the time they’d had dinner, and he would be on his way home.

During dinner, he animatedly talked about his family. “Catherine was slightly older than me. They thought that was weird. In the end, it didn’t matter. I visit them sometimes, but I have to admit, not as much as I should. They live in a very lively community though. And my brother and his family live next door to them. So I doubt if they miss me.”

“Of course they miss you. You’re their son.”

He smiled a bit sheepishly at that. “The black sheep of the family as well, right?”

He nodded. “Pretty much.”

“So how about your job, I think I got quite a good grasp at what you do now. But you have to have stories to share.” He soon had her telling the most amusing stories.

“Were you ever scared?”

“As in? The work I had to do? Heights and stuff?”

“No, more… conditions, locations.”

She thought for a moment. “There was this time in the Middle East. I wasn’t allowed to come until we pretended Cameron and I were married. I had to wear a hijab all the time. It was impossible to work with, not to mention dangerous, but punishments were quite severe if you were caught without.” She told him how Dave had stood guard at the door so that she could take it off to work. “Every time someone walked up, I had to rush to put it on again. I have to admit it felt like working under threat. Never been back there.” He could well imagine that.

She seemed so much more in her element here. Jaime drank it in.

Finn did as well. Feeling the steady ground underneath her feet, made it so much easier to tune into him.

After dessert, they still weren’t done talking. They had another cup of coffee. Then Finn broke it off. “You still need to drive all the way home.”

“It’s fine. I don’t mind driving through the dark.”

“Me neither. The world looks different at night.” Another thing they had in common.

“Once, when I’d gotten my driver’s licence, I got out of the house and drove all the way up to Garelochhead. I’d have gone on if I didn’t want to be back before my father would freak out. He had a hard enough time as it was.” They came close again. To the house.

“Come, I’ll walk you home.” He offered.

“You don’t have to, you know.” He nodded. “But my car’s parked around there anyway. And I still have to get my samples from your apartment.”

“Of course, you might need them.”

His hand was on her back as they walked back to her flat.

“I had a great time today.” She said. They were inside. This was the moment they had to say goodbye. He gathered his things.

“Me too. I’m looking forward to working with you.” The words in itself would sound cold, if not for his warm smile.

“It will be wonderful.”

“I’m sure it will.”

Jaime pushed the trolley towards the door. Finn walked up to him. “Let me at least give you a hug.” She said and wrapped her arms around him. He caught her in his arms and pulled her close. Her sweater slid up slightly, and his hand touched her skin. It tingled where they met.

Finn buried her nose in his hair. She liked that it was long. He smelled nice. She’d never really paid attention to how men smelled. “I’ll see you Wednesday.” Reluctant he let go of her. She stepped back and opened the door for him.

“Wednesday. I’ve heard Emily is baking, don’t eat in advance.”

He laughed at that. Over the past few months, he’d got acquainted with the illustrious Emily. The somewhat older woman who ran the house like clockwork. If anything, it was clear that she loved having it come back to life. Then again, she’d only been there a few years herself. For as far as she knew, it didn’t have any history. And when Jaime had asked about it, she’d answered, ‘what’s a house like this, without a few ghosts’.

Still smiling happily Finn landed on her bed. She had had a wonderful day. From the lunch, the work, all the way through to the warm hug he’d given her. She had to admit, working in the house didn’t scare her all that much anymore. Not if he’d be there. Maybe she would even start looking forward to it. Although she knew she still had a few demons to slay before they got there.

That Monday she crossed all T’s and dotted all I’s so she could apply for the necessary permits and permissions for the work. She was fairly sure her father wouldn’t bother with the renovation. Maybe a few things needed altering, but he would mostly be involved in how it all would look.