Finn Part 13

The house began to feel a bit more like home with every day they worked there. Together with Jaime, and Emily seeing to their every need, and loudly complaining about the mess, made that it grew a good vibe. Finn felt it settle inside of her. Sometimes, after everyone had left, she walked back up to the attic and sat in the rocking chair for a while. She still didn’t know how to break it to her father, scared that her anger and pain would come pouring out over him. He’d not deserved that. In retrospect, he might have made mistakes, but Finn didn’t believe him to do so with evil intent. Where did that leave her though? It didn’t make her anger disappear.

They were almost done when Finn had to leave for a week to work with her team in the States. There she talked it over with Cameron.

“Get help.” He suggested. “Both for yourself, as well as to help you talk about it with your father.” She’d not told him everything. She had told him about Darren. He could take an educated guess at the rest. He’d known her for so long already. And since he wasn’t into women at all, it was safe for her to open up to him.

“Seriously. You should deal with all of this now he’s still alive.” He’d had plenty of spats with his father, mainly about being gay. After all, had been said and done, he’d never had the chance to make amends with him.

“You cannot hold him accountable, but it might be a good thing for him as well, to not have to keep silent about it anymore.”

Cameron was right, of course. It had to weigh heavy on her father as well. There was a reason he’d never moved away from that house.

Had Finn’s home always been her refuge, this time it felt cold and empty when she returned there in the middle of the night. They’d landed in the evening. Finn had picked up her car from long-term parking and driven home in one go. She wondered if she should call her father that she’d arrived home safely, but didn’t want to disturb him. She’d texted Cameron though. He always asked that, if she had to drive at night. He was a good friend. Ever since she’d broken up with Brent, he had been about the best friend she’d had. Apart from Jaime, maybe. Could she call Jaime? It was 3 am. It would be extremely rude. Especially since he probably didn’t know she was still on the road. He had been right. She didn’t need anyone. But it would be ever so lovely to connect either way.

She changed into her pyjamas, and with a cup of tea she sat down on her bed. When she took her phone from her purse, she saw the light blink indicating she had a message. It made her frown.

She swiped and opened it. It was from Jaime.

“Sorry to disturb you in the middle of the night. Wondered if you’d gotten home safely. If you’re still awake, please let me know.”

With a wide smile, Finn let herself fall back on the bed. She stared at the words a moment before answering.

“Home safe and sound. Get some sleep, silly.” And if that wasn’t enough, she ended the message with an X. She’d sent it before she could stop herself.

“Good to know. Sweet dreams. Talk to you soon. X.” He answered incredibly quickly. A warm fuzzy feeling that had nothing to do with her duvet spread over her. He cared about her. She didn’t know what she’d done to deserve that, but it was nice nevertheless.

She’d told Jaime that she needed a day to recover and sleep-in. She didn’t take it though. Instead, she followed Cameron’s advice and found a therapist. Through a contact at the University, she connected to someone and was surprised that she could come by the very next day. She’d not counted on it so fast. That was good, of course, because they were planning on bringing her father home before the end of the week after. Cameron, Eddie and Dave would come and help out with installing the new water filter system and to connect the solar panels to the new power generator. Those things were easier to do with a team. All bits and bobs Finn could handle on her own, or together with Jaime later. The digging was done while she’d been away. The rooms for her father were ready, but they waited with allowing him to come home until they wouldn’t have to access the floor from the outside at all anymore. They wanted to save him from the mess and cold that would give. He’d reluctantly agreed to that.

Jaime noticed she was up to something when she came in later that very next day. She looked a bit emotionally unstable. He’d hugged upon seeing her. She quickly told him about her trip.

He knew there was more going on, but didn’t press it. He only let Finn know he was there for her when she needed him. Finn appreciated it greatly. She knew she couldn’t entirely fool him, but it was kind of him to respect her boundaries.

That Friday though, she had been bawling her eyes out, before coming to the house. Emily was upstairs when she arrived. Jaime sat her down in her father’s bedroom and gave her coffee.

“You know I’m not one to pry.” He sat down opposite her.

“I know, and I’m very thankful for that.” She didn’t want him to continue. He looked like he wasn’t going to be stopped.

“Right. Finn, I know what happens when you don’t call the troops on time. What’s going on?”

“Working through some things.” She tried to sound neutral. The caring tone in his voice didn’t make it easy at all.

“I’m not around this weekend. I need to know that you’re okay.” He insisted. He would drive out to Inverness that afternoon for his mother’s birthday the next day.

She nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

“If you need me here…” He heard that word again. Fine.

“Jaime, doesn’t my family ask enough of you already?” She said it that way on purpose. It wasn’t just for her she had to keep reminding herself. It was so easy to believe they were building something else than a home for her father.

“Don’t!” He sounded uncommonly strict. She sat back and sipped her coffee. What guarantees did she have, that she wouldn’t go over the edge after all? She’d faced some pretty heavy things that morning. So much her brain wouldn’t give up. And by now she would have to accept there were things she would never know.

“Cameron will arrive tomorrow. Eddie and Dave Monday. I’ll not be alone.”

“That’s not what I meant, Finn. You know that.”

Her cup hit the table harder than she’d planned to.

“I’m seeing a psychologist. Before my dad can come home, I’m going to have to tell him what I found out. And he’s going to be as angry and hurt as I am. I need to talk to him about this in a way that’s not going to break either one of us. That’s not going to make us blame each other. It’s hard.”

“Are you angry at your father?” It wasn’t an accusation.

She nodded. “Very much. I know…”

He waved his hand. “You should be.”

“It’s not productive. I don’t want to hurt him.”

Jaime stared at her. “Why does it always have to be you who has to think about these things? Did you ever get so mad that you started throwing things, thrown a tantrum, refused to see reason?” That was a very good question. No, she didn’t. Not even when Brent had abandoned her so crudely.

“I did sell my ex’ Jaguar because he had cheated on me. But that was because I needed the money.”

“That’s something at least. You’re allowed to be angry, you know.”

She had to laugh. “That’s what my therapist told me this morning.” She wasn’t used to entertaining unproductive emotions.

“Will you call me, this weekend, if it gets too hard on you?” He wanted to know, later when they were saying goodbye.

She didn’t know what to answer. “You can, you know, even if it’s in the middle of the night.”

“I won’t. You know I won’t. It’s my problem, not yours.”

His hands were on her hips. “Don’t I get a say in that?”

She stared into his eyes, at his perfect mouth. Then she ran her hand through his hair. “No.”

“Finn.” He warningly said.

She could no longer control it. She’d kept her cool all day, all week for that matter. Working side by side, they complemented each other so well. To stop him talking she moved closer to him. Wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close. “Finn.” He whispered. She silenced him by putting her lips to his. For a split second, he resisted, wanting to make sure this was what she wanted. She never let him. With open mouth she welcomed him. His arms slid tighter around her, pulling her to his chest. Slightly panting he let go of her, lost for words. She stroked his cheek as she stepped away.

“Let me know when you’ve arrived safely tonight.” She said. “I’ll see you Monday.”

This time it was Jaime who didn’t know what to say or how to act. It had most certainly not been a friendly kiss. “I will.” He promised. He didn’t know what else to do.

“Be safe.” She wished him.

“You too. And call me, if you need to… you know.” She promised him.

And then she was alone at the house again. Emily had made the beds upstairs. Cameron said he wouldn’t mind staying at the house alone for the weekend. Eddie and Dave would join him later. Finn wondered if she should stay there as well. The thought didn’t scare her anymore.

She did end up staying at the house over the weekend, together with Cameron. Two days they slaved to get all the prep done. Sunday evening they cracked open a bottle of wine and sat in front of the living room fire together. Jaime was on his way home. Finn wondered if he’d stop by. He didn’t. Instead, he texted her that he was really tired and hoped to see her the next day.

He was last to arrive that Monday. Dave and Eddie were manoeuvring a heavy piece of machinery in the laundry room. Finn lay on the floor half under, half behind it, to connect it to the main installation when Jaime walked in on them. Calling Finn to order was on the tip of his tongue when he saw them work. The three gentlemen seemed to ignore his presence completely. They were focussed on the task at hand. Scared to breathe Jaime watched them work. This was a team like he’d never seen before. Finn gave a few orders from her position. Dave gave some room on the harness, and for a moment Jaime was afraid Finn would get crushed underneath its weight. He saw her move though. She constantly kept them updated. Cameron made sure they didn’t damage anything else. “Hold it,” Finn yelled. Jaime gasped. There was nothing to worry about though.

“Half an inch more.”

Then suddenly things clicked. They could hear Finn’s tools on the metal of the installation.

“Are you good?” Cameron asked.

“Fine, I’ll be a while though.”

“Cool. Dave will assist you.” Cameron said. Dave moved over to where Finn had disappeared behind the square housing. Eddie and Cameron removed the harness and the rope from the pulley they’d used to get it in place. Then they turned to Jaime to introduce themselves.

Cameron looked at him appreciatively. If anything, Finn had excellent taste. He’d never really understood her fascination for Brent. Jaime made so much more sense. A normal, straightforward guy.

Emily came down the stairs as well. “Oh, good, it’s in place. I could not look at it. Jaime, I’ve got coffee.”

“Oh, good.” While Finn was working, there was very little they could do.

Jaime didn’t get the chance to speak to Finn alone for days. She’d greeted him with a hug and a short kiss on the mouth when she finally emerged. There was so much work to be done. He’d not realised the extent of it. The house was full for four days. Apart from the installation in the old laundry room, they also installed the separate switch boxes on the floors above so Finn could connect them when they were working there. It took them a total of four days. They left Thursday at the end of the morning, waiving away the excellent lunch Emily had promised them. They’d closed the older woman in their hearts, claiming they’d gained five pounds each since that Monday. The last thing they’d done was bring the furniture in for the lower ground floor, which had been put in the garage. Finn had sorted through it, asked her father what he’d wanted to keep. Jaime had restored and painted a few items. There was a new bed, and the old dresser now had a flat screen TV hanging above it. The colour was light without being sterile. It looked very stylish. Alex’ clothes hung in the wardrobe. His toiletries stood waiting for him in the bathroom. All was set.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Finn had told Jaime she had an appointment at the home with her father and her psychologist that afternoon. He’d come home the next day. A few things of hers had already been moved here. She’d slept in the room Jaime and Emily had prepared for her before. It slowly began to feel like home. In itself that was a scary thought. And yet it felt right.

Finn shook her head. “The last thing my father needs is to think you would choose sides. You’re his friend.”

“I hope I’m your friend too.” They were in the library together.

She looked up at him, unsure how to answer. “You are. Of course, you are, you know that.” Although friend hardly seemed to cover it. Finn’s heart and body protested every time he got into his car to go home.

He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her a bit closer. Wondering if he should kiss her. There had not been one since the week before. It seemed there was always someone around since then.

Finn tapped his jaw, so he turned towards her. Her eyes invited him in. Carefully he lowered his lips to hers and tasted her. Her answer was sweet and open. He could feel that the wall that had once been in between them was melting away. She wasn’t all there yet, but she was getting there.

Her smile radiated when he retreated. “I’ll tell you what, why don’t you wait here until I get home. You get to see if I’m okay.” She suggested.

They were a long way away from finishing the house. So many more weeks, or possibly even months of work. He had no intention of going anywhere else that afternoon. It was a first though that she asked him to be there for her. And that she had called it home. He didn’t stress it to her, not wanting her to think about it too much.

“I will.” He promised. She kissed him again. “Thank you. I better get changed now.” The clothes she had on had become dirty from all the work they’d done.

“You’d better. Otherwise, you’re not even allowed near those frail old-timers.” That made her laugh. In the past few weeks, she’d seen her father in between the other old people. It had gotten her to realise how old he was. And how lucky she was that he was still around. He had tried to figure out why she wanted to talk to him, with a therapist present. She’d only vaguely mentioned that she was working through a few things.

“Your grandmother’s jewellery!” It was the first thing he noticed when she came in. She’d dressed with extra care. “I wondered where they’d gone. Did you find them in the house somewhere?” Finn didn’t answer yet. Instead, she introduced him to her therapist. A social worker from the home was present as well. Finn had suggested it for her father. Suddenly she felt eight years old, standing in the hallway awaiting punishment for some misdemeanour she’d committed yet again. Her mother had been a big fan of punishing her scatterbrained daughter.

“She left them to me. Remember the notary and stuff.” Finn sat down, highly uncomfortable. Suddenly she doubted the whole endeavour. Her father did not deserve this. But then again, neither did she.

“Dad.” She started. “Why did you never tell me about Darren?” Her father looked at her flabbergasted.

“You were only going to do the lower ground floor.” He answered when he’d pulled himself together.

“I have been dreaming about him, every night I ever spent in that house. You knew that. Why couldn’t I know?”

“Your mother, she said…”

Finn shook her head. “Don’t pin this on her. She’s been gone for twenty years.”

Her father blinked. Then he took a deep sigh. “We…” And then he corrected himself. “I have always been scared you couldn’t handle it. After your…” He didn’t know what to call it. “After the incident, I was scared you were more like your mother than we’d thought. And I didn’t want to trigger anything.”

“That wasn’t me, Dad. That was them.”

Both women that were there to support them merely stared at them. Finn had been scared not to be able to talk. She needn’t have been.

“What do you mean?”

“Mom and granddad, they tried to kill me.”

“Why?” It seemed too absurd.

Finn stared at her hands. “I don’t know. There are so many things I don’t know. Mom regularly drugged me with her medication. I have no recollection of what happened because my brain didn’t register anything. But that time, there was so much pain, so much blood. The adrenaline must have made me alert.” Until a few weeks ago she’d not remembered it at all. These days sometimes an image came through. Triggered by something she heard or smelled when she was at the house. She’d have to live with the fact though, that her brain didn’t have secrets from her. They were just spots.

She could see her father swallow. “Finn. I never knew that. You have to believe me.” He gave the matter some thought and resisted the urge to contradict her. It made perfect sense to him. Finn could see the pieces off the puzzle slide in place for him as well.

As they talked, emotions ran high. Both mental health professionals made sure they stayed on track though. After a particularly hard bit, Finn retreated for a moment. Her psychologist joined her on her time-out. “You’re doing great, you know.” She reassured Finn. Finn stared at the blank wall.

“What’s going on in your head?”

Finn shrugged.

“And what else?”

“That I'm mean. My father didn’t deserve this.”

“He didn’t. And neither did you.”

Finn chuckled. “People keep saying that.”

“It’s true. But you are willing to admit your roll in handling it. Your father needs to acknowledge his. Not for you, but as part of his process.”

It made sense to Finn. After a few sips of water, she was ready to go back.

It wasn’t an easy conversation at all. Her father told her he was glad they’d gotten all their cards out on the table.

When she was about to leave, he got up with her. “Finn.” He called her back. He spread his arms to hug her, as he’d done so many times. She gladly obliged. “I’m glad you’re coming home tomorrow, dad.” She said as she hugged him.

“Me too, sweetheart. Me too.” He’d heard what she’d said, like Jaime earlier. Home.

It was much later than Finn had anticipated. She was scared Jaime had already left. He hadn’t. When she parked her car, he waited for her on the terrace. He pulled her into a tight hug. “How did it go?” He could see she’d been crying. That wasn’t unexpected.

“Rather well.” She said. His arm was around her waist when they walked in. She found the table laid for two, including candlelight and flowers.

“Wow, you do know how to treat a woman.” She complimented. Jaime hung on to her hand. “I figured you’d not be in the mood to go out tonight. And I didn’t want to stress you for a date. Today was hard enough.”

“A date?” Finn said. She looked sideways. He didn’t dare look at her. “This is a date?”

“If you want.” He took the remote from the table, and soft music started playing.

She turned towards him, made him face her. “I’d like that very much. I think I can handle that now.”

His hands automatically grabbed her hips. “You couldn’t before?”

She shook her head. “Guess there’ll always be a little voice in my head that tells me this isn’t real. That I should get out before it gets serious. I’m learning not to listen to it.”

“Ah. That’s okay. Tell it to shut up. It’s real. It’s very real.” Her fingers touched his hair again. Rolled a lock in between them. He loved it when she did that.

In the distance, they heard a ping.

“Food is ready. Sit down.” He stepped away and pulled out her chair. A real gentleman. And not because etiquette dictated it, but because he wanted to take care of her.

They didn’t talk about that afternoon or the house. Instead, they talked about music, books, movies, whatever. Getting to know each other. It got later quickly. There was a delicious main course, followed by a lovely dessert.

Finn had refilled Jaime’s glass with the same wine he’d poured her. He didn’t want to assume anything. So many beds in this house.

After dinner, they sat together on the couch in the living room, in front of the fire. A concert of a band they both loved playing on the TV. They didn’t watch it. Somehow the last of Finn’s resistance towards him had broken. They kissed. And they kissed some more.

“Finn, do you need me to stay with you tonight?” It was already past midnight, and both of them were reluctant to say goodbye. She shook her head. He retreated a bit disappointed. Her smile gave away she was up to something though.

“I don’t need you to stay with me. But I would want you to. If you… I mean…” He gave off a very distinct energy. She didn’t think he’d refuse to. Still, it felt kind of scary.

“You want me to?” He playfully repeated.

“Jaime.” She sounded hoarse.

“Sssst.” He shushed her. “It’s fine.”

Emily found the dirty dishes in the sink the next morning. Two wine glasses and the empty bottle still on the coffee table. Quietly she made her way up, and when she didn’t hear anything, she carefully opened the only closed the door on the landing. In the morning light, she saw two bodies entangled in the bed. Smiling she made her way down and started the cleanup and breakfast. Something told her she might be housekeeper here for a lot longer than she’d reckoned. Finn wasn’t a bad boss to work for. And Jaime, well, who couldn’t love that guy.

Giggling Finn woke up. Jaime couldn’t help himself. He had to stroke her naked skin, and she turned out to be very ticklish.

“Milady looks lovely in the morning sun.” He whispered in her ear. A bit shy she looked at him.

Then she checked the time and jumped out of bed. “I have to go pick up my father.”

Disappointed Jaime let himself fall back on the bed. “I have to say it’s been ages since my date mentioned having to hurry for her father.” Finn laughed out loud. Sometimes stopped her dressing sequence to get back to the bed and kiss him. He tried to drag her back, but she wouldn’t let him.

Fully dressed she sat beside him. He was still all naked.

“Finn. I don’t think it needs saying out loud. But just in case, because you don’t always figure these things out on yourself.”

She frowned. “It may not have been love at first sight, but the more I’ve gotten to know you, the more I got to love you.”

“You…”

“I love you. I don’t know what’s going to happen next. And I know you still have some figuring out to do. All I ask is to be involved in your life.”

She turned and dragged him down on the bed.

“You’re going to have to be.” She lay half on top of him.

“Oh?”

“This house is old. I have no clue about old things. I am learning to love old things. And somehow in the process, I’ve learned to love me, and you as well. I can’t do this alone. I need your help. I need you.”

“Do my ears deceive me? Is this Finn, asking for help?”

She nodded. “Jaime. Please help me. To straighten out this house, and my head.”

He shook his head and kissed her cheek. “You don’t need my help. But I gladly give it. Now get your father. Another hard conversation may need to take place yet.”

“Oh?” Finn got up from the bed.

“Experience teaches me that fathers rarely enjoy their daughters being fondled by long-haired, older guys.”

Finn laughed out loud. They’d be fine. They’d be okay. They would be wonderful.